Damn, no posts in forever!
It comes and goes, that the way it goes.
Just been gathering ideas. Family time, riding my bike, selling bikes, Tigers, Cousins, school. Me and Justin turned 30. Enjoying the summer! Here comes the fall and that sweet cool weather.
Cousin Geoff’s 2009/10 Detroit Lions Prediction:
The Lions went 3-1 this preseason. My formula for the Lions is this: Last year, they went 4-0 in the preseason, and ended 0-16. So you take the preseason wins and losses, multiply by 4, then reverse them. Based on this formula, I predict the Lions to go 4-12 this year, which would be a fine season and would get the cornbread SCORTCHING out of the oven around this time next year.
Right now, growing pressure from the national media (local media split) combined with Culpepper’s secret “turf toe” injury will have Mathew Stafford starting on Game 1. From there, look for the rocketest rocket arm in all of Rocketyville to rocket the Lions to a quick 3-1 start, predictions of no-question first-ballot Hall of Fame induction for Stafford, and proclamations of the Stafford to Johnson connection perhaps the greatest we have seen since Montana to Rice, and certainly since Scott Mitchell to Herman Moore (I still remember that Thanksgiving game where we totally whupped some turkey leg). But then the unthinkable will happen.
Stafford will hurt his throwing elbow while playing wii tennis with CFL superstar Charles Rogers (his new best buddy after Louis (Damissile) Delmas gets a girlfriend and stops hanging out). Delmas, meanwhile begs to play defense AND offense and Schwartz oblidges due to ESPN talking head pressure. Culpepper goes in to finish the season but with a new twist never seen before in the NFL, Drew Stanton emerges as the quarterback who plays in the last series of every game, just like a baseball closer.
Fernando Rodney, fresh off the glow of the first World Series championship for the Tigers since ‘84, starts going to the games and when Stanton goes in the cameras always zoom in on him and talk about his save in Game 7 and compare it to what Stanton could do if given an opportunity. The problem is, the Lions, without their savior Stafford, are doomed for the season and rarely have a chance to win at the end, although Stanton (who is playing on two bum knees and can’t even practice during the week) always does something amazing and we hold onto this and talk about it and it makes us happy, despite the losing.
Then, on the final game of the year, Lions are down 8 on their own 16 with 1:05 on the clock and in comes Stanton. First play he throws an interception, BUT WAIT, penalty negates the play. Then, inexplainably, the Lions hand off to Kevin Jones (somehow back with the Lions by the last game), and lose yardage. Now there’s only time for one more play, and Stanton goes back to throw, doesn’t find anyone, and SCRAMBLES all the way for a touchdown. It is the most amazing play in the history of sports. It’s crazy. Then he goes and scrambles AGAIN for the two point conversion and the Lions are tied and go to overtime. From there, it’s not even close. Lions defer the kickoff, Delmas intercepts the first pass and in trots Stanton. A fade to Delmas for 6 (Calvin Johnson as decoy) and the Lions have won their final game. Drew is carried off the field. Riots go off in East Lansing. And there’s hope for next year.
11 comments
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September 3rd, 2009 at 10:31 pm
Cousin Geoff
Don’t forget to go to the Jamboree - it’s Friday and Saturday!
September 3rd, 2009 at 11:13 pm
Cousin Geoff
Leave a Lion’s prediction here in the comments or at the Funkyard Dollar Store for a chance to win a 45 copy of Spiderman Allen, Another One Bites The Dust Detroit Lions Song - your choice of honolulu blue or silver (really). Tiebreaker is number of touchdowns Louis Delmas will have. Second tiebreaker is Drew Stanton total yardage.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:08 am
Cousin Justin
I know Stafford will probably start the first game this year, but I need someone to tell me why. Why do the freepress writers NEVER write negative things about Stafford’s preseason performance? And tell me this guy does not look like Stafford
http://bp3.blogger.com/_ypJnDZ0QDkY/R3rjoeIe34I/AAAAAAAAAxk/fMGjzuT_OGQ/s1600-h/ugliest-man-in-the-world-eb9.jpg
September 4th, 2009 at 10:10 am
Ypsiskippy
Record: 3-13
Touchdowns: 4
Stanton: 316
September 4th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
Dr. Jim
Record will be 2-14.
Delmas will have 2 touchdowns.
Stanton will have 635 total yards.
September 7th, 2009 at 9:38 pm
Cousin Geoff
I forgot to predict the tiebreakers. If I win, a copy goes to 2nd place.
Delmas: 27 touchdowns. (5 punt returns, 8 interception returns, 13 catches, and one amazing play where he just snatches the ball up out of the quarterback’s hands on a blitz and goes in for a touchdown).
Stanton: 1,202 yards of total offense. (799 passing/403 rushing). Obviously, these numbers would be about 5-8 times higher if he wasn’t just the closer.
September 7th, 2009 at 9:50 pm
Cousin Geoff
Schwartz announced Stafford is the starter! So far my prediction is perfect…
September 8th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
Nick
0-16
Delmas 9
Stanton 214
September 21st, 2009 at 6:15 pm
Cousin Justin
Another stellar performance by the first round draft picks. 5 INT 1 TD 40.5% Pass rating so far for Golden arm. That big old rocket arm sure can throw it far though.
September 21st, 2009 at 6:18 pm
Cousin Justin
PS he leads the league in all of these categories
September 21st, 2009 at 9:18 pm
Cousin Geoff
He looks terrible so far. Did you see that pass where he missed the other Johnson when he was wide open and had an easy TD? A throw I could have made. And what was up with Schwartz not going for it on 4th on 1 on the Vikings 40 when they were down 7 in the 4th? You lose 18 games in a row it’s time to gamble a little bit.Bad decision after bad decision by everyone in the organization.
The stands were half empty too, must have run a scam to lift the blackout.
I think Nick had the best prediction of wins and losses. I honestly don’t see them winning a game this year, especially with Stafford at QB.